Poor John

We took John to his ultrasound, he did really good and actually fell asleep during it. We heard back from the doctor yesterday and they said he does have pyloric stenosis. They want to send him to Oahu and have a specialist look at him and see if he needs surgery from it. I'm a little surprised, I didn't really think he had pyloric stenosis because he has been gaining weight. He was looking pretty good yesterday but not so good today. He's stopped acting hungry, it used to be every 2 and half hours he'd start crying for food but yesterday he went 5 hours. He slept 8 hours last night (which he's never done) and then went another 5 hours. I'm feeling guilty because I didn't realize he had gone that long between his feedings. I suppose I've gotten so used to him letting us know when he's hungry. I guess we'll have to go back to reminding him when to eat.

The good news is that John has officially found his thumb. He used to take a pacifier but then he lost intrest in it. He became very grouchy with nothing to suck on. Finally he located his thumb and now knows where to find it. He sucks on it all day, I never wanted my kids to suck their thumbs but I'm just so relieved to see John get some comfort. And Isabella has started to copy John, she now sucks her thumb all the time as well. It's pretty funny because she has never been into pacifiers or thumbs but as soon as John started she followed.



Yesterday Corey and I took Isabella to the beach. She hasn't been since during the summer and she had so much fun. That girl isn't afraid of anything, it's actually a little scary. She walked and crawled all over the place, ate some sand and got knocked down by waves. Everytime the waves washed up on her she just laughed. Today I took her out to work in the garden with my dad. She got covered in dirt (and ate some) and had fun with the garden tools. We planted some flowers so I guess we'll have to wait and see if anything grows. The soil isn't too great here, just a little dirt and a lot of sand.


Tonight is New Year's Eve so we're going down to the beach to set off fireworks. I'm pretty excited because I haven't done fireworks in forever and Corey has never done them. John's going to stay with my mom and my dad's going to come with us and Isabella. I'm sure I'll be spending most of my time making sure Isabella stays at a safe distance though.

Here we go again

After how Isabella had been as a baby and two terrible pregnancies I really believed John would be an easy baby. I just didn't really think that it could happen twice. I remeber reading that colic happens within the first three weeks of life, but that it's the 3 weeks after the due date so in preemies you have to go by the due date. So I thought at least we could have 9 good weeks. As we hit 2 and a half weeks past his due date I began to relax and almost feel safe. That's when it all hit, suddenly he was screaming all day. How could this happen? I did not handle it well, I was just so frustrated and tired. My entire pregnancy of misery was spent thinking that I only had to make it to delivery and I'd get a break, and now the worst was just starting. I found myself almost mad at God, I can accept challenges but they are supposed to come spread between good times. It seemed that the last 2 years had been nothing but challenge after challenge. I was beginning to wonder how much longer I could really endure it all.

I made an appointment with the doctor because the screaming wouldn't stop and he was spitting up constantly. No one wanted to hold him, he smelled so bad. I was filled with guilty because I didn't want to be around my own baby and at the same time hurt because neither did anyone else. I knew he had reflux, Isabella had it as well and I had been through it before. This wasn't colic, he was really in pain and hurting. Our doctor wouldn't listen and tried to say it was just colic, he also refused to prescribe any reflux meds. I switched to a different ped and he has been much more understanding. I was having a hard time with John because he was never happy and didn't act like a baby should. There were no smiles at all, I couldn't even get him to look at me. We switched him to a soy formula but it had no effect so I finally decided to try a hypoallergenic formula. The change was instant, he began to smile and pay attention to us. However we're still dealing with the pain and vomitting of reflux. We tried Zantac but it didn't really help and his weight gain has really started to slow down so the ped just switched him to prevacid. We go in the morning to get an ultrasound of his stomach, the doctor doesn't think he has pyloric stenosis but he wants to rule it out just to be sure. I really hope that we can get this all worked out soon, I just hate to see John suffering so much. The poor little guy is always so uncomforable.

The move

We had been planning to move after John's birth so things were pretty crazy. I decided the best option was to just leave Isabella at my parents since we were moving over there anyway. It was hard to have John in the NICU and Isabella at my parent's house. Coming home to no babies was really hard at the end of the day. Things were a bit easier when John came home but trying to pack everything for a move was hard while taking care of a preemie. My big goal was have the move completed by Halloween so we set it up and planned to leave on the 17th. Of course Isabella's first birthday was on the 15th and I just couldn't stand the thought of missing her first birthday, especially by 2 days. So I left early with John, I was nervous about traveling alone with him but everything worked out fine. Finally I had my babies together, it was a moment had waited a long time for and it was so wonderful. Isabella was quite interested in this new "thing" that I had brought with me. I hadn't seen her in a month and after spending so long around tiny preemie she looked like the world's largest baby ever. It took me a while to get used to her again. My dad flew out to help Corey finish up the move and get everything shipped and a week later we were finally together as a family of four.

So I began trying to parent two babies under age one. Isabella still couldn't walk and John couldn't do anything, the act of simply going from one room to the next became quite the challenge. And of course they always seemed to dirty and hungry at the same time. The good part was that Isabella experienced no jealousy at all. The only problem to arise has been bottles. John was unable to breastfeed after being in the NICU so he received breastmilk by bottle. Isabella was reaching the age of stopping bottles and seeing him get one was hard for her. She's still getting bottles on occasion and slowly she getting used to him getting one and not her. I'm just amazed at how she's blossomed around him. When he gets fussy she grabs his pacifier and tries to put it in his mouth, or she'll rock his bouncy seat to try to calm him. It showed a level of understanding that I didn't even realize she had. Having John has actually made me feel much closer to Isabella, it's had a great impact on our relationship. I had a very hard time getting attached to Isabella as an infant, she was so fussy and really didn't like me holding her. John seems the same way and it made me realize how far my relationship with Isabella has really come. I absolutely love her and am so connected to her now and I know that eventually I'll get to that point with John as well.

The NICU

Our stay in the NICU was quite short in comparison to how long many babies stay there. And ours wasn't very eventful either. John spent about 3 days on CPAP and a week on oxygen. He had jaundice and spent a few days under the bili lights. And he of course had to learn how to eat. He was there for 2 weeks, and while it wasn't really that long it was quite frustrating. It's so hard to go through labor and then be stuck in the hospital with no baby. I had to pump breastmilk every 3 hours around the clock and getting up all night without a baby is not fun. We lived an hour from the hospital so my time with him was quite limited, I only got to spend 1-2 hours a day with him. Everyday I though why can't we just take him home? Eventually our day came and it was a grand day. I couldn't believe that they were actually going to let me bring him home. All newborns seem fragile, but preemies just seems even more fragile. I thought I knew a lot about babies, but with John it seemed that I had to re-learn everything.

A new little life, and then another

I brought Isabella home and couldn't believe that I had been blessed with such a sweet little baby. She was perfect, didn't cry much and was just great. I even remember thinking how lucky I was that I didn't have one of those babies that cried all the time. Boy was I wrong! A couple weeks later the crying started and it went on and on and on. It wasn't long before it seemed that crying was all there was. She'd wail for 7 hours straight and NOTHING helped. It didn't matter if we held her or rocked her or walked with her. She didn't want a pacifier or anything. At first I just felt bad for her, the poor baby was suffering. Before long I just felt bad for me, I was the one suffering. Nothing I did helped so I just got mad at her. It got to the point that I thought I'd surely lose my mind. I read up on colic and tried all of the suggestions but in the end it didn't matter, nothing worked.

Somehow through all of this we decided that we wanted another baby, I know what were we thinking right. So we began trying to conceive. And of course the first month brought sucess. Isabella was 4 months old and the day I found out I was pregnant was the first day she didn't scream all day. She most have known that I couldn't handle too much. So I realized that I faced the possiblitly of more Hyperemesis and preterm labor. But I think that I really believed that I'd be lucky enough to avoid the Hyperemesis. I was wrong, it wasn't but 2 weeks later that it all began again. I began to lose weight quite rapidly. I lost 20 pounds in the first trimester and constantly battled dehydration. I was on a wide variety of medications and life generally sucked. My ablilty to take care of Isabella also began to decrease. Corey made it so that he could work from home and eventually switched jobs to ensure that he could be there to help with childcare. His level of support and understanding was so much greater than it had been during my first pregnancy. My level of coping was also greater. This second pregnancy was worse, but we handled it much better and because of that it was easier.

Again preterm labor became an issue, just as I knew it would. This time it started much earlier though. I started having problems at 20 weeks, a whole month before the baby was even viable. While I honestly didn't feel the baby was a great risk of being born then it worried me that it wasn't even viable. I breathed a sigh of relief at 24 weeks. All along my big goal was 30 weeks, I felt comfortable with anything past that. At 32 weeks the possibility of 34 week became more real and that was wonderful to me. My regular OB, not the one from my first pregnancy, was not understanding about the preterm labor. He did not believe me about it and even tried to say that it wasn't preterm labor in my first pregnancy. He refused to listen to any of my concerns or take me seriously. At about 32 weeks I got the courage to switch OB's and I'm so glad I did. My new doc was so understanding. The contractions became a daily occurance and it was very frustrating not knowing if it was the real thing. I was once again in terrible pain and very sick.

One night at 34 weeks I began having contractions, just like any other day. I didn't think anything of it and just watched TV. I got up to go to the bathroom and my water broke. I had just sent Isabella to my parents less than a week before because I had a feeling that it wouldn't be long. Immediately Corey and I grabbed our stuff and headed to the hospital. The contractions became intense right away, the hour ride to the hospital was quite painful. When we arrived at the hospital I was 6 cm already, things moved VERY quickly from there. I was started on antibiotics since the baby was premature and they got me ready for an epidural! At the next check I was 8cm and got my epidural, as soon as it was in my pain increased immediately. I started hollering and the epi guy couldn't figure out why I was still in so much pain. My nurse checked and the baby had suddenly slid down the birth canal. I told her the baby was coming and she called for the doctors but they weren't hurrying enough. She ended up hitting the emergency call button and suddenly about 5 doctors showed up in a big hurry. It's a good thing too because the baby was crowning, about 2 pushes later John was there.

He was 6 weeks premature so there were lots of doctors there to check on him. He was breathing and crying so Corey and I were able to hold him for a minute before they took him to the NICU. He was so beautiful and I just couldn't believe he was really there. Corey went with him to the NICU and he was doing good so he came back to be with me. However the next time he went to check on him we found out that John had developed respiratory distress sydrome and had to be put on CPAP to help him breath. This was very upsetting because he had been doing so well before.

The Beginning

I've decided to write here because I'll just hate myself if I don't bother to keep any type of record of my life right now. Life is hectic but so wonderful. This year has just about come to a close and what a year it has been. It started off with a colicky newborn and it's ending with a colicky newborn. I can't believe that I now have two beautiful babies to fill my life. A year ago I never would have imaged that I'd be having another baby so soon. It didn't take long however to realize that there was a little spirit just waiting to be born, a little baby that is supposed to be here.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning, I've always wanted kids and lots of kids at that. I always said that about 8-10 kids would be nice. So when I got married in Decmeber 2003 I was ready to get pregnant right away. And taking after my mother I was pregnant within 2 months. Shortly after valentine's day I found out that we were going to have a baby. I was so excited. I had always figured that I'd be a good pregnant women, afterall I wanted so many kids. Everything was going fine until about 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I woke up one morning I thought I was dying, it was like the worst flu times 10. I figured this must be what morning sickness is, and it was much worse than I had ever imagined. It got worse and worse and I just kept dealing with it. I finally got to go to the OB and received some meds for it. It took about 3 months however to realize that this was not normal morning sickness, what I had was Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I rare condition of pregnancy that causes severe nausea and vomiting leading to dehydration and weight loss. The HG never went away during my pregnancy but it did ease up a bit. I thought I had everything under control and I would simply ride through the rest of my pregnancy, not quite though.

About halfway through I started to get a terrible sharp pain in my stomach, I thought it was nothing and ignored it. Until finally at 30 weeks I was woke up by the pain being so severe that I screamed in pain when I moved. I went to the ER and found out I had a hernia, no big deal but while I was there I noticed I was having contractions pretty regularly. My OB brushed it off and said it was no big deal so I didn't think much of it. Two day later though I noticed that my "Braxton Hicks" were 5 minutes apart. After an hour of contractions we became alarmed and head to the hospital. By the time we got there the contractions had stopped but my cervix had dilated 1cm so my OB put me on bedrest and sent me home. The next day it happened again so we headed back to the hospital, again the contractions stopped. This continued to happen daily until 31 weeks when the contractions didn't stop. The hospital gave me terbutaline to stop them and they warned me that since it was a small island with no NICU that if the contractions didn't stop that I'd have to be flown to Oahu. The terb. didn't work so they gave me more and when it didn't help they switched to magnesium. At this point I was 3cm dilated and my OB said she was sending me to Oahu. Everything got pretty crazy, the magnesium was horrible. It literally felt like I was being burned alive, I wanted to rip off all my clothes and crawl into a tub of ice. I was put on strong antibiotic and received a catheter and wasn't allowed to even sit up. I was transfer by ambulance to the Naval base where I was transfered to a plane and flown to Oahu, another ambulance then took me to another hospital.

The doctors and nurses were all very nice but I was very uncomfortable. I spent a week in the hospital and the contractions never stopped. My cervix stopped dilating so I was allowed to leave the hospital but had to remain on Oahu until I hit 34 weeks. I was in a lot of pain from all of the contractions and had a bad urinary tract infection from the catheter. I was so happy to finally come home after being gone for so long, I was home less than a week before I went into labor again at 35 weeks. Again the hospital stopped the labor, at this point I was pretty upset I had been through so much and was simply ready to get the baby out. Again I returned home. By now I was in severe pain, everything hurt and I could hardly walk. The HG was getting bad again and I returned to frequent nausea and vomiting. At my 37 week appointment I had developed pregnancy induced hypertension, I was so happy to find this out. It's not something you want, but since it meant the baby had to be born I was happy. I was sent straight to labor and delivery for an induction. When I got there they found out I was already having regular contractions, no big surprise though. They started pitocin and everything was going good. I wasn't really in pain, they checked me and I was at about 3.5cm. About 2 hours later my water broke, but still not really in pain. It was only about an hour later that the pain started, and it was BAD. I asked the nurse to check me because I wanted an epidural but she wouldn't since it was my first baby and there was no way I was to the required 6cm yet. An hour later I was screaming and she finally checked me 6cm! She called my OB and when she got there 10 minutes later I was 8cm so she called for the epidural. It wasn't even 15 minutes later that I realized there was no time to get an epidural, things were moving VERY fast. I asked the nurse about just getting a shot of pain meds because there wasn't time for the epidural so said okay but a minute later I had to push. She ran for my OB and when she got in the baby was crowning. I pushed for about 20 minutes and Isabella was born. Induced with no pain meds and it hurt so bad. I was really mad that I didn't get my epidural but the HG was completely gone instantly and I felt great. I wanted to dance down the hallway.

That night my husband slept and I was sitting there looking at my new baby, I had waited 9 months to meet her and finally here she was and people expected me to just go to sleep. There was no way, I sat up all night just looking at her. It was so special, what a wonderful night that was.