Siblings

A lot of people have asked how the other kids are handling all of this. Hazel is obviously too young to understand and so doesn't really care. Bella and John however, at ages 8 and 9, have certainly been impacted.

I'm currently reading a book on transgender children and it talks about how the grief siblings feel can actually be stronger than the parents. The sense of loss has been very real to them. Bella told me she feels like she lost her sister.  John feels that he's lost what makes him special by no longer being the only boy.

Over the past year and a half most of our energy and time has been focused on Phoenix, which unfortunately has meant that the others have been put on the back burner at times. Luckily John and Bella have an exceptionally close relationship so they've had each other. We're working to make sure we keep the lines of communication open with them both and acknowledge how hard this is on them.

John like me is having a hard time losing the name Phoebe. We started a reward chart where he earns stickers for remembering to say Phoenix and use male pronouns. He was hesitant at first to make the switch as he didn't believe this was a real thing, he saw it much the same way he sees Hazel pretending to be a horse. Once we explained to the kids that Phoenix's feelings were very real they were more understanding.

They are both very sensitive children and I worry greatly about how this will effect them in the future. My hope though is that in the end this will teach them that our love for them is truly unconditional and they will always have our support, no matter where life takes them.